What if emotional unfaithfulness doesn’t start with a scandal… but with silence?
What if it’s not about desire first—but about disconnection?
Emotional entanglements don’t always begin in lust or temptation. More often, they grow quietly in the empty spaces of a relationship that’s gone dry, distant, or discouraged. They start when a heart feels neglected, when validation from someone else feels like fresh water to a thirsty soul. This is how it happens—one unguarded moment at a time.
Let’s talk about it.
Monique’s Story: The Confession in the Breakroom
Monique stirred her coffee, watching the liquid swirl even though the sugar had long since dissolved. Across the table sat Andre—her coworker, her “safe space,” and lately, the only person who asked how she was really doing.
It had started innocently. Meetings. Work lunches. Friendly encouragement.
He was kind. He listened. He noticed.
Her husband, Darius, hadn’t seemed to do any of that in months.
Conversations at home were brief, logistical, and shallow. Their once vibrant connection had turned into calendar syncing and long stretches of quiet in bed. No intimacy. No warmth. No softness.
Andre, on the other hand, was full of warmth.
That day, he told her she looked graceful. Strong. Beautiful. He complimented the way she handled pressure with poise. He said she was inspiring.
Something flickered in Monique’s chest. It was something about Andre that made her heart palpitate. Something she hadn’t felt in a while.
And then it happened.
“I don’t think he really sees me anymore,” she confessed quietly.
Andre reached for her hand. She didn’t pull away—at first.
But then her heartbeat thundered in her ears. and her hands began to shake.
She gently pulled back.She hadn’t cheated. Not technically.
But she knew she had opened a door.Later that night, Monique sat across from Darius and told him the truth.
“I don’t feel close to you. And I miss us. And I almost let someone else fill that space.”
It wasn’t a fight.
It was a beginning.How Emotional Entanglements Happen
We need to talk about how this happens—especially in Christian marriages, where the physical lines may never be crossed, but hearts are wandering. Here are a few common starting points:
1. Emotional Drought
When communication is dry, connection is low, and affection is rare, the heart starts looking for water somewhere. What should send us toward counseling or prayer often sends us toward comfort instead.
2. Validation from the Wrong Source
When someone outside your marriage makes you feel seen, appreciated, or “safe,” it can trigger longing you didn’t even know you had. Validation becomes addictive like a drug. Validation definitely causes a surge in dopamine levels.
3. Sharing What Should Stay at Home
Venting frustrations about your spouse to someone else—especially of the opposite sex—can quickly shift from relieving to compromising. Intimacy is built through shared secrets, and this is one of the fastest ways to create a counterfeit connection.
“Intimate – closely acquainted, familiar, or close.” Oxford Dictionary
4. Slow-Building “Friendships”
It rarely starts with romantic energy. It usually begins with laughter or a common hobby or interest. With “we just get each other.” With text threads that grow deeper over time. And before you know it, you’re emotionally leaning on someone else more than your spouse.
What the Bible Says
God speaks directly to the subtle and spiritual nature of emotional compromise.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Emotional affairs begin in the heart long before they ever touch the hands.
James 1:14–15 (NLT)
“Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions.”
Every scandalous headline started with an unmet need left unchecked.
Song of Solomon 2:15 (NIV)
“Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards…”
It’s the little compromises that destroy the harvest.
Are You Entangled? Questions for Reflection
Take a moment. Ask yourself honestly:
Is there someone you feel emotionally closer to outside your marriage than your spouse?
Are you sharing intimate thoughts or feelings with someone else that your spouse doesn’t hear?
Do you daydream about another person, especially when upset with your spouse?
Have you been nurturing a private thread of affection or admiration that no one knows about?
If the answer is yes, you may already be emotionally entangled.
But here’s the good news: it’s not too late to pull back, repent, and restore.
How to Break Free from Emotional Entanglement
- Confess and Surrender
Bring it to God first. He already sees your heart. Confession isn’t for Him—it’s for you. Lay it down without justification. Ask Him to cleanse the space you’ve allowed to become compromised. - Recommit to Your Covenant
Go back to your spouse. Rebuild. Talk. Be honest. Maybe it’s time for counseling or deeper conversations. Restoration begins with vulnerability. - Set Clear Boundaries
Unfollow. Mute. Block. Create distance with the person you’ve become emotionally tied to. Set guardrails around future relationships—especially with the opposite sex. - Nourish What’s Yours
Water your own garden. Invest in your marriage again. Date. Compliment. Reignite. Prioritize connection.
Final Thoughts
Emotional entanglement is not just about crossing physical lines—it’s about letting your heart drift silently into someone else’s arms.
You don’t have to be the villain of your own story.
You don’t have to carry shame.
But you do have to decide:
Will I guard my heart—or give it away in pieces?
A Prayer for Release
Lord, I give You every emotional thread I’ve tied to someone outside of Your will. Help me untangle my heart. Help me be honest. Help me be faithful—not just with my body, but with my thoughts, my feelings, and my soul. Heal what’s been broken. Rebuild what’s been neglected. And guard me from the slow drift that leads to destruction. Amen.
Until next time—don’t just live by default.
Live by design. God’s design.
Emotional entanglements don’t always begin in lust or temptation. More often, they grow quietly in the empty spaces of a relationship that’s gone dry, distant, or discouraged.
Jay Wilson Jr.
Welcome to “Truth Be Told,” the podcast that empowers young Christians to live according to their intended design. Join us on this transformative journey as we explore the intersection of faith and daily life, addressing topics like relationships, finances, career, marriage, family, and mental and emotional well-being through the lens of Christ’s teachings.
Ever bring something up and feel the room go dim even while they’re sitting right there? We’ve been there, and we built a simple system to keep both partners present when the heat rises: start soft, pause with structure, and return with tenderness so the issue gets resolved instead of recycled.
We unpack the real engine behind “communication problems”: nervous system defaults. One of us protects connection by pressing; the other protects safety by retreating. Using clear attachment language and practical psychology, we explain flooding and the window of tolerance, then show how “design over default” turns conflict from a threat into a path back to closeness. You’ll hear exact soft-start scripts that lower threat, time-boxed asks that create containment, and mid-conversation micro-repairs that can reset tone in seconds.
From there, we teach the pause-with-return move that respects both people. You’ll learn the precise words to name overwhelm without vanishing, and how a scheduled return time calms the pursuer’s abandonment alarm and the withdrawer’s escalation alarm. We finish with a tender re-entry structure: one feeling, one need, a single sentence of ownership each, and a tiny agreement for next time. If shutdown has become a pattern, we outline firm, calm boundaries and when to invite counseling or coaching so accountability doesn’t get delayed forever.
By the end, you’ll have a repeatable three-move system to keep conversations safe, focused, and short enough to succeed. Try the 24-hour challenge we share and watch security grow one return at a time. I
We walk step by step through a practical system to stop the pursue–withdraw cycle: start soft, pause without abandoning, and return with tenderness so issues actually resolve. We give exact scripts, small structures, and clear boundaries that build safety for both partners.
• naming the default vs design frame for conflict
• mapping the pursuer–withdrawer dynamic and nervous system flooding
• soft start openings that lower threat and invite clarity
• the pause with scheduled return time to prevent avoidance
• tender re-entry with one feeling and one need each
• simple ownership and tiny agreements that rebuild trust
• boundaries when shutdown becomes a pattern requiring support
• weekly handles and a 24-hour message challenge
Subscribe to the channel or the podcast
Sources
Clinton, Tim, and Gary Sibcy. 2023. Attachments: Why You Love, Feel and Act the Way You Do. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.
Truth Be Told Project Podcast introduction
Website: truthbetoldproject.com
Catch Us on YouTube: www.youtube.com/@Truthbetold2You
Go to the website to sign up for the monthly newsletter coming soon.
Follow Us on
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mrtruthbetold2u
