INTRODUCTION
Marriage is one of life’s greatest blessings and one of life’s most significant challenges. Your happiness in marriage is determined by how proactive you are. We are misled to believe that when we find that special person or that special person chooses us, it will be easy. All we have to do is get hitched, skip off into the sunset, and live “happily ever after.” If you enter a marriage with that presupposition, you will be in divorce court sooner or later. I have to “keep it 100,” as they say. Marriage has its many blessings, but it also has many challenges.
“We are misled to believe that when we find that special person or that special person chooses us, it will be easy.” ~ Jay Wilson Jr.
Among those challenges, temptation is a reality that every couple faces at one time or another. While it can take many forms—emotional, spiritual, or even subtle distractions—the key to a thriving marriage is not pretending temptation doesn’t exist but being prepared for it. Being prepared means being proactive. This is the only way to have a successful marriage.
UNDERSTANDING TEMPTATION
Temptation is alluring by nature. It calls us away from our commitments and challenges our values. In a marriage, this might mean distractions that threaten emotional intimacy or moments of weakness when external and internal influences pull you away from your spouse. Recognizing that temptation is coming is the first step. It means admitting that you and your partner are both human—vulnerable, imperfect, and in need of constant vigilance.
Sources of Temptation
Being vigilant and proactive means being aware of where temptation comes from and taking a proactive rather than reactive stance. We want to be prepared. We all know the story of Adam, Eve, and the Serpent, who represents the devil. That tempted Eve and Adam. This event is known culturally among Christians as “The Fall.”
Internal and External Sources of Temptation
What often goes unnoticed in the Biblical narrative is that something in Eve made it hard for her to resist temptation. What I mean by that is that the devil tempted her with something she desired without her being tempted. He used something she desired as bait.
Consider this scenario: a woman feels overlooked by her husband and craves attention that seems out of reach. During this emotional time, a supportive male coworker steps in, providing the kindness and understanding she yearns for. This is the pre-stage of her co-worker becoming her “work husband.”
After a short time, she and her male coworker began going on lunch dates and spending more time together. Conversations became more intimate, and she fell in love with her coworker. Her coworker didn’t care that she was married; he also fell in love with her. They became very intimate, though they didn’t have sex yet. One thing to remember is that the synonym for intimacy is acquaintance. They shared intimate details about their lives and developed an emotional connection.
After a short time, she began meeting her coworker at his house, and they started having sex. She ruined her marriage by not being aware of her sources of temptation. She was not proactive. She wanted more attention and felt she wasn’t getting it from her husband; she was baited by something she already desired (i.e., attention). This situation highlights the importance of emotional availability in relationships. When one partner withdraws, it creates a void that another can quickly fill, emphasizing the necessity of attentiveness in nurturing a loving partnership. I will have to write an article on this later. But anyway, let me continue to illustrate my point.
Like Eve, she began to rationalize and consider why she should give in to temptation rather than consider the consequences of sin. We all rationalize poor decisions. Her rationale was that her husband was not giving her the attention she needed, so she was justified in cheating on him.
When it comes to the sanctity of marriage, it’s all too easy for individuals to succumb to the temptation of infidelity. Many who stray often seek justifications for their actions, turning to blame their partner for their indiscretions. They might insist that their spouse didn’t provide enough attention or failed to meet desires in the bedroom.
However, confronting the person in the mirror is the most crucial step. It’s time to take responsibility for your choices and listen to the truth within yourself. Communicate the discovered internal truth to your spouse. Only by owning your actions can you foster the love and trust a marriage deserves.
Also, you need to know your needs and desires and communicate them to your spouse- but make sure your needs, desires, and expectations are realistic. You don’t want them to be shaped by fake stuff, like porn and the fake stuff you see on television. Also, make sure to meet the needs of your spouse. At this point, let me mention something else.
You Become P.H.A.T (Pretty Hot and Tempting)
I don’t know what it is. But when you commit to the person you love, you instantly become more attractive. Almost irresistible. It amazes me that the off-limits things tend to draw the most attention. People want what they cannot have. I remember that before getting married, it seemed as if I couldn’t get any woman to acknowledge or give me any play. The one or two that did later put me in the friend zone. But when I met and married my wife, I began attracting all kinds of women without any effort. Some women just gave me their phone number. I would explain that I was married, and some wanted to know if I was “happily married.” I was the same person that I had always been. The only difference was I was married and committed to being faithful to my wife. The crazy thing is that some of the women who put me in the friend zone also made passes at me. Crazy, right?
That’s another thing people often ignore about the narrative of Adam, Eve, and the Serpent. Eve ignored all the other things God gave her and was fixated on the only tree God had placed off-limits. There is something innately attractive about things we cannot have.
I do want to offer a word of caution to those who have struggled with controlling their emotions and sexual organs in the past and present. If you have self-esteem and self-control issues, it is best not to get married. Because truth be told, you’re not ready. Marriage will require self-control in every aspect of life. If you haven’t done the work you need to do to gain control of yourself, like prayer and therapy, hold off on getting married. Because you’re bound to step into a metaphorical land mine, you will destroy everything you’ve built because temptation is coming!
Biblical Insights
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape so that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
Scripture is replete with warnings about temptation. In 1 Corinthians 10:13, we’re reminded that “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.” This verse doesn’t trivialize our struggles; it reassures us that we’re not alone. The Bible calls us to stand firm, to seek God’s strength in moments of trial, and to remain accountable to one another.
For many couples, prayer and mutual accountability are lifelines during times of temptation. Consider the story of David, who, despite his many failings, continued to seek repentance and restoration. His life is a testament to the possibility of renewal—even after stumbling. Embracing this reality in your marriage means understanding that occasional lapses are not the end but a call to a more profound commitment.
Practical Strategies for Being Proactive
- Open Communication: The best defense against temptation is honest dialogue. Please talk with your spouse about your struggles, fears, and even small temptations as they arise. Communicate what your needs and expectations are. This transparency builds trust and creates a united front.
- Accountability Partners: Sometimes, having a trusted friend, mentor, mentoring couple, or spiritual advisor who understands your journey can make all the difference. They can encourage and, when needed, give a gentle reality check. Sometimes, it takes a village to keep a couple together. Find “safe” accountability partners. I will write an article that elaborates on this point later.
- Establishing Boundaries: Proactively setting boundaries—limiting exposure to potentially harmful situations or media—can effectively minimize temptations before they become threats. You also have to be careful with certain friendships—especially friendships with the opposite sex. These kinds of relationships can be harmful because they become intimate. Remember that a synonym for intimacy is an acquaintance.
- Spiritual Disciplines: Regular prayer, Bible study, and worship are powerful tools that remind you of your higher commitment. These practices fortify your spirit and help keep your focus on what truly matters.
- Be Intimate with your spouse Often: Here’s one that may make you blush, but here it is: Have sex often. Even when you don’t feel like it, without going into great detail, I’d suggest you read 1 Corinthians 7 in the Bible for more information. But Scripture teaches that each partner is required to meet the sexual needs of their spouse. The only reason why there should be a deprivation of sex is during the “agreed upon” restraint and the practice of spiritual disciplines of prayer and fasting. Of course, there may also be medical reasons as well. But, I encourage married couples to have sex often. Getting your rocks off makes it easier to resist the temptation to step out on your spouse unless you have something internal going on. Remember what I said about self-control and self-esteem? I will also write an article that elaborates on this later. Have sex and be intimate as often as you are available and physically able.
- Control Yourself: If you can’t control yourself physically and emotionally, have lots of prayer and sit down with a therapist/counselor to figure out where your internal issues are. (If you aren’t married, this should be your first step before you get married or even think deeply about it.) Sorry, I had to repeat this point!
“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” ~ 1 Corinthians 7:1-4
Personal Reflections
I’ve seen firsthand how couples who acknowledge the reality of temptation tend to be more resilient. It’s not about perfection; it’s about persistence. When confronting temptation with humility and determination, you message your spouse and yourself that your marriage is worth fighting for.
In my conversations with couples, the most successful ones are those who turn to each other in times of doubt. They recognize that the “enemy” of marriage isn’t a person but the isolation that can creep in when you try to handle things alone. Facing temptation together—armed with love, honesty, and mutual support—becomes a bonding experience that reinforces your commitment.
The Role of Forgiveness and Grace
Of course, there will be moments when the battle is lost. Extending grace to yourself and your partner is crucial when these times come. Forgiveness is not about excusing behavior but about acknowledging human frailty and choosing to work through it. This process requires genuine repentance and a recommitment to the relationship. In doing so, both partners learn valuable lessons about mercy, understanding, and the strength of overcoming adversity.
Long-Term Vision
Staying vigilant against temptation is not a one-time task but an ongoing journey. It requires regular check-ins with your spouse and a commitment to personal growth. Establishing periodic “relationship audits” where you review potential vulnerabilities can be very helpful. Ask questions like, “Are there situations where we feel particularly tempted?” “What can I do for you?” or “What boundaries might we need to adjust?”
The idea is to cultivate a proactive rather than reactive stance. Temptation loses much of its power when both partners continuously nurture the relationship. Instead of being a disruptive force, challenges become opportunities for deeper connection and mutual growth.
Conclusion
Temptation is coming—yes, it is a fact of life. But by acknowledging its presence, equipping yourselves with spiritual and practical tools, and remaining united in your purpose, you can transform these challenges into stepping stones toward a stronger, more resilient marriage.
Remember, vigilance isn’t about living in fear; it’s about living in the light of God’s truth and love.
As you continue your marital journey, may you always find the strength to say “no” to temptation and “yes” to the enduring promise of commitment to your spouse and grace.
This is the first in a series of blog posts. I will discuss the necessary elements of a successful marriage. At least, these are principles I’ve learned throughout my twenty-four years of marriage. Remember, don’t just live by default; live by design, God’s design. Peace!
